All them Guns and Bombs and That

If they took all them guns and bombs and that that are just designed to kill and maim and that and instead just melted them down and fed them to the poor, the molten metal would burn straight through their gullets, killing them instantly and making huge smouldering holes in the floor.

But if you waited for the metal gloop to cool, it’d still be made of metal which, as far as I am aware, isn’t a recognised food group (except for Magnesium and maybe some others. I dunno. It’s late. I’m not fact checking.)





O yeah. Iron.

“Hey gang- yes it’s me again, Noel Edmonds. I’ve been busy writing a book about cosmic ordering and numbers or something in time for the Christmas market. But let’s face it, it’s a pile of ghostwritten shit that will be in The Works discount bookstore on January 4th for 29p.

“You’d be far better off buying Ron Gridchart’s sensational book ‘Make Yourself Uncomfortable’ which is as brave and bonkers as that one-eyed guy in The Goonies.

“It’s available for £7.99 / $10.06 (plus P&P) at this link.”


“Gridcharts’ stories will make you uncomfortable, and the ensuing laughter is like cheap therapy. His prose works like an oddly calibrated jack in the box, and his wit is well sprung. The authorities should be well advised to keep an eye on this book and its author.”Alphonse Beaulieu

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