Nocturnal Sex Fiend

(RON:) Regular readers may be wondering where Nocturnal Sex Fiend has gone and why we haven’t heard from him in a while. Well, for one he fucks up my formatting and for two he hasn’t gone anywhere except even more […]

Arse Wipe Review

This is, of course, Nocturnal Sex Fiend’s review of Domestos Toilet Wipes which he unfortunately reached for rather than the Andrex wet wipes he was foolishly storing next to them. The harrowing details are here. (For those outside the UK, […]

Fox News

I’m experimenting with my mental wellbeing by getting all my news from Fox. I watch Fox reports & watch their documentaries. I also get breaking news from the website direct to my phone. It’s only been a week yet I […]


Nocturnal Sex Fiend writes: I saw Jeremy Paxman in town by the theatre* half hour ago. I shouted “university challenge is shit” at him really loud from close up. He looked absolutely terrified. He’ll never forget that the cunt. He’s […]

Balls Hell that Ends Bell

I was waiting to cross the road when this 30 stone fat bastard on a mobility scooter thoughtlessly glanced my testicles with the invalids handlebars. I knew immediately I had been struck, however there was a ten second delay before […]

Update. Arse

I’ve been on a broad range of antibiotics via drips for days & something’s happening. The itching has become unbearable. I’m told that my crease & anus is healing & itching is a good thing but I just want to […]

re Arse

It’s been a good few weeks of misery. Due to the unfortunate area of the burns, my whole arse, scrotum & now inevitably penis have succumbed to infection. I’m back in double traction at the QE Hospital. The pain is […]

Smelly Pub Whore

It had been 5 years or more since I last had intercourse. I’m a desperate man. I’d become tired of watching online porn & made the decision I need some real pussy before I lose the use of my bits […]

Arse Burned

Just got in from Warwick hospital. Had chronic hangover beer shits all day yesterday & in the middle of the night had another explosive panic incident. I use Andrex moist wipes for a clean, fresh arsehole however due to exhaustion […]

Duck My Sick

Nocturnal Sex Fiend writes: Just thrown up. Beer & wine just don’t mix. I had 10-15 pints of lager as it was only £1.80 a pint & had 1 glass of warm house red due to being inebriated. Within minutes […]

Morbid Humour

Nocturnal Sex Fiend Writes: Have you ever spent the day at the morgue? It’s a grown up expensive fun ride. Of to the registry to get certified. Onto the coffin floggers to be patronised into an expensive coffin & a […]

Crazy Consumerist Bargains

Nocturnal Sex Pest Writes: Picked up a brand new second hand Sony TV this evening. Won it last night in an auction. A Sony KDL40W5500. In 2009-2010 this was one model from the top of the range. The reviews are excellent. I […]

Scat Skit

Nocturnal Sex Pest writes… I purchased 12 rolls of lavatory paper from Poundland. I thought I was getting a bargain. 12 Andrex cost £5. So I was having a good movement due to eating a huge bowl of All Bran with […]

Picking at The Scab

The Scab is, and always has been, a notorious dive pub in my hometown in England- a place I left twenty years ago. Recently, I have been receiving emails from some of its regulars that confirm things in the UK […]