Each Day a Gift

Each day is a gift- that’s why they call it ‘the present’. Okay, a lot of these ‘presents’ may be gloomy, hopeless and unwanted. Good luck in exchanging them without a receipt! It involves parallel timelines. The Grandfather Paradox. The […]

My Old Man

Music Hall was once a popular and traditional form of entertainment for the British masses. As the name suggests, music was involved- generally novelty songs with a risque twist. ‘When I’m Cleaning Windows’, far from a cheeky ditty for ukelele, […]

Admirable Ebola

Only one table left in that tiny restaurant and that awkward moment of deciding ownership when it is claimed at exactly the same time. Retired-looking white guy. Tourist. “I’m here waiting for someone so I’m okay to share the table,” […]

Happy Boob Year

A friend told me this week about a former ESL colleague in Bangkok who would use his lactating partner’s breast milk for his coffee on the grounds that, “It’s only natural.” Thing is, it wasn’t even HIS baby. Oh yeah, […]

Kiva Leaver

Finally, more money has been returned to me via kiva.org who are now bombarding me with spam emails asking me to just.. y’know.. GIVE them the money in the account. Kiva specialise in micro-loans in poor countries and show you […]

Cher’s Xmas Message

Very honoured that Cher decided to stop by this festive evening when many thought she was already dead. Merry Xmas, Cher. I’m looking forward to another duet with what passes for Stephen Hawking these days! Maybe ask him next time […]

Disappointing Christmas

If Christmas is a disappointment this year, remember even Jesus had a disappointing Christmas, squatting with farm animals and getting age-inappopriate gifts.   Christmas has been fairly so-so here in Vietnam. I thought I had to work anyway then a […]

Swan, Swan, Hummingburp

When choosing xmas dinner: I bet swan tastes LOVELY yet that greedy cow The Queen gets to eat it ALL (except for those illegally poached by riverside immigrants)

All To Do With Colour

At this most drab time of the year (except here in the Tropics where it has finally– thank fuck– stopped raining) here’s a colourful tune I wrote especially for you and especially for this moment in history. The provocative title […]

Low Tide

Myeik, Myanmar at low tide. I spent 10 months there and some say I nearly went mad there (it was the spider and gecko saying that- left far behind, now, thanks! Ta-TA! L-L-Losers! Others, however, point to this very blog […]

Tree Surgeons

Why would anyone want to see a Tree Surgeon these days when they have people who have trained as doctors and who almost certainly have more knowledge and experience of the human body than any kind of tree, no matter […]

Kate- Bush?

As much as I admire Kate Bush and her continuing relevance as an artist, she might have done more to keep us updated on the state of her lady garden over the decades via periodic last name changes. We ALL […]

Bar 5 #1

Bar 5, Pasteur, Ho Chi Minh City. A3 Charcoal Sketch. A friend likes to play a game of how many faces he can spot hidden in the background of each picture. Definitely a skull in this one. Some others also.

Teresa Won’t

When oh when will the U.K’s Conservative Party rename Theresa May to “Theresa Wasn’t-Able II”? The Queen could then bottle her as she gets slipped off into the Thames or hopefully somewhere more inclement. It might win back some hardy […]

Corden Blew Off

This is the face us English are presenting to the world these days and it’s terrifying how quickly things have collapsed since science and whatnot and this dumb fuck. Twitter suggested I follow James Corden. I just think if you […]

Mind the Generation Gap

Ok, first of all- do you even blame my generation for not panning out when, as a group, we never even worked out whether it should be ‘X’rs’, ‘Xers’, ‘Gen Xers’ or ‘Xs’? It wasn’t ‘Xs’, you American twats. It […]

Safety Dance

How much freer were things in the 80s? In 1983, Men Without Hats released their joyous and/or crap song The Safety Dance which included dwarfs in the video and maypole dancing. After 9/11 it was banned for ever under Health […]

Pie in the Sky

I think this video is the exact moment that subversive ‘character’ Jonathan Pie- played by actor/comedian Tom Walker jumps the shark entirely. That said, I haven’t watched him for a while as I am 9,000 miles from the UK and […]