Balls Hell that Ends Bell

I was waiting to cross the road when this 30 stone fat bastard on a mobility scooter thoughtlessly glanced my testicles with the invalids handlebars.

I knew immediately I had been struck, however there was a ten second delay before the testes informed my pain centre exactly what had occurred.

Shock & disbelief.

The agony was excruciating, like my stomach was being drawn out through my arse & bell end with ultra fast velocity. A pain that repeated endlessly.

I wailed & moaned in desperate agony. Weeping like a baby. Collapsing to the ground resembling a sack of fat sweaty shite, rolling side to side writhing in white hot pains.

A witness removed my trousers & underpants to inspect the injury. Unfortunately I was in the process of shitting & pissing myself on their removal due to the torments..

I lay by the side of the road in the town centre, legs being held aloft, whilst a kindly elderly Chinese foreigner cradled my balls & photographed them for evidence using a 4K UHD smart phone.

My balls were uploaded to Facebook live in order to try for immediate assistance. Swollen, torn black & blue.

Humiliation didn’t cross my mind.

Yes many laughed. I witnessed young children & girls in tears having fits at the horrific sight of middle aged ruptured nuts & a very small shrivelled penis.

Only a few had any compassion with their Wow faces. Most were laughing or giving it the thumbs up.

I guess a man having his bollocks struck in the most sorry agonising manner is amusing .

My suffering will be on the world wide weight for eternity.

The Police & ambulance attended & whisked me to hospital.

Ive been transferred to the pain management department at the Queen Elizabeth Hospital.

I’m told my balls are in the best hands.


With the threat of NUCLEAR ATTACK!!!!!! being imminent the World needs a little bit of a giggle.

A man having his testicles smashed & cradled by an elderly giggling Chinese may save the World.

Kim Jong Un hopefully will read it & change his menacing ways & become a flower wearing pot smokin’ peace lovin’ hippy.

My tales of shattered balls could save us all.

I forgot to ask, what are your plans following Armageddon?

Im considering going on a looting spree at the bank.

Im going to make a multi coloured coat made of £20’s & £50’s.

Paint myself white to deflect the blast.

How’s about living in an igloo in the Antarctic.

Id imagine we’ll all be a little red faced following the white light so as long as we wrap up, dig a hole we’ll be OK.

Nighttime lows of -75 Celsius. 150MPH winds blowing almost absolute zero.

I can picture it now. No TV. No internet. No company. No medicine.

Apart from the bears waiting to tear us limb from limb it sound lovely.

I say Donald, Kim “Push that big red button” & lets just get on with it.

Heaven. Peace.


Ron Sez-

I plan to disengage from imposed fears of nuclear holocaust by watching BBC’s Threads (1984), masturbating throughout:


Threads (1984) [REALISTIC look at nuclear war] by MixerBOS


P.S. The World ISN’T getting darker by the day. It’s getting darker by the NIGHT. 

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  1. How can you masturbate all night after the horrible handle bars incident? Where are the photos of the victims? We demand proof.

    • Yeah, sorry that would be me wanking over Threads, not Nocturnal Sex Fiend.

      I haven’t heard from him regarding the ball situation but will take the opportunity to ask for this ‘proof’ you so desire.

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