Mind the Generation Gap

Ok, first of all- do you even blame my generation for not panning out when, as a group, we never even worked out whether it should be ‘X’rs’, ‘Xers’, ‘Gen Xers’ or ‘Xs’? We were fuckulated at birth- the Jilted […]

Nocturnal Sex Fiend

(RON:) Regular readers may be wondering where Nocturnal Sex Fiend has gone and why we haven’t heard from him in a while. Well, for one he fucks up my formatting and for two he hasn’t gone anywhere except even more […]

Crotch Hillary

Hi! I’m Limp Kidney! Nice to be met! Feeling fantabulous in my Hillary Clinton-pantsuit pantsuit (or is it a onesie?) If I could get an erection I’d show you Crotch Hillary’s Pinocchio routine but I can’t and so I won’t. […]

Arse Wipe Review

This is, of course, Nocturnal Sex Fiend’s review of Domestos Toilet Wipes which he unfortunately reached for rather than the Andrex wet wipes he was foolishly storing next to them. The harrowing details are here. (For those outside the UK, […]

Live Forever

Freddie Mercury once rather bombastically bellowed the question, “Who wants to live forever?” (it was in that 80s movie Highlander.) Well, ME for one! – provided I was 10 years younger than I am now and then could just leave […]

No Picture

No Beer For Jon

Originally scripted by Samuel Beckett in 1971 for BBC2’s programme about the arts, ‘The Arts Programme’, ‘No Beer for Jon’ is an existentialist absurdist drama which turns the whole idea of white patriarchical imperialist misogyny on its head then tears […]

Arose

As my name was just given to me by my parents (without consulting ME, I might hasten to ADD) and therefore imposed on me by Patriarchy and that, I refuse to answer to my own name any more. I’m currently […]

Starship Poopers

For those who have yet to find a use for the slo-mo function on their iPhone: From the right kind of angle, a bowel movement can be quite epic. Combined with an orchestral soundtrack, it’s a lot like Kubrick’s 2001 […]

Between Myselves

I wish my evening and morning selves could agree on who does the tidying up as neither wants to. My current night self is thinking “Why should I?” even though it’s the one who made the mess. No wonder my […]

Value Your Kids

People around me talking about how much they value their kids. It’s nice to hear but all a bit nebulous- how can one ever really know exactly how much worth their children have? Well, I for one sold mine to […]

$7000 a Month

I make $7000 a month working just two hours a week from home.   This gives me plenty of time to indulge in my one true passion: spamming message boards to tell everyone about my awesome good fortune.