Mind the Generation Gap

Ok, first of all- do you even blame my generation for not panning out when, as a group, we never even worked out whether it should be ‘X’rs’, ‘Xers’, ‘Gen Xers’ or ‘Xs’? We were fuckulated at birth- the Jilted […]

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Safety Dance

How much freer were things in the 80s? In 1983, Men Without Hats released their joyous and/or crap song The Safety Dance which included dwarfs in the video and maypole dancing. After 9/11 it was banned for ever under Health […]

Giddy Goons, yeah

Electronica based upon 5 seconds of the video game Dragon’s Lair. I had originally planned to write a massive, overblown concept album including each and every stage of Dragon’s Lair. Then I realised I wasn’t that bothered.

American Way

A track I wrote in 2005. The sample is from some late-50’s “Gee, America- everything’s JUST SWELL!” advertorial.  


An electronica track I made 10 or 12 years ago on the subject of fingers clicking. I had only recently got over the pain of RSI and Carpal Tunnel Syndrome at the time, you understand, and I think the track […]

Gil Scott-Heron

If that Gil Scott-Heron hadn’t had such a chip on his shoulder, he could have BEEN on TV instead of just moaning about how it wouldn’t televise his imagined revolution. THEN he could have done some ads. Serious money. Instead, […]

Monkey Shags YouTube

I’m going to post the tracks I recorded as Repetitive Beast on youtube in no particular order. Here’s one because I was thinking about Tom Baker just a little while ago. I sampled a famous session of Tom Baker being […]

Beatles? More Like Foetals!*

*yeah, you see I tried to think of some kind of The Sun-like headline that rhymes and therefore must be true, but I got stuck at ‘foetals’ because if you work through the alphabet, this is the only word that […]

Hey, You, Whitehouse

I’m currently listening (once) again to Pink Floyd’s ‘Pigs- Three Different Ones’. I gather it has gained a new audience and new-found meaning in this last twelve crazy months with many (including Roger Waters himself) equating the first verse with […]

Musical Doof

Somewhere out there tonight, Musical Youth are gigging. A back room of a pub in Slough or a lock-up garage in a South London back street. Now re-badged Musical Middle-aged People, the lies they told on Blue Peter have taken their […]

Bye, Mutie!

More Hollywood Babble-on: Dexy’s Midnight Runner’s Kevin Rowland is remaking his top 80s hit ‘Come On Eileen’ as a Bukkake video for the Japanese retro crowd. No word yet on whether the original Eileen will reprise her role but let’s […]

The World is Full of Our Souls

My iTunes music collection has 17,523 files in it. What chance, then, that Adam Freeland’s ‘We Want Your Soul’ was directly followed by Aphex Twin’s ‘Come to Daddy’ (entire lyrics “I want your soul. I will eat your soul”)? Something […]

Conspiracy Music

I totally forgot until now, when it came up on random play, that this was gonna be my intro music to my very own conspiracy channel on youtube. Quite dark and not bad. Not bad at all. £30 to you, […]

Lennon and On and On

If that John Lennon had cared more about making money than lolling about in his pit with skank Yono, maybe he wouldn’t be dead now (except for old age). He had already made ten or twenty quid from the British […]

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Tears for Fears

Way back in the 80’s Tears For Fears claimed ‘Everybody Wants to Rule the World’. Well, I for one never did. Could I get legal aid in suing them for defamation of character? And do they have any money left? […]

Small Faces?

Is it too late to point out that 60s band The Small Faces actually had normal-sized faces? I’ve just measured them with a ruler and am on the verge of alerting Trading Standards.   UPDATE: As it has been pointed […]

Touch My Bum

How We Used to Xmas Shockingly, this was Christmas 2003. Since then, I have long-since left the UK, HMV have gone bankrupt and the Cheeky Girls are now residing in the ‘where are they now?’ file. Simon Cowell, on the […]

Mind Gorilla

So I’ve been listening to that John Lennon. Mind Games, he calls it. I’ll post a link in case you don’t know the song in question. In it he categorically and repeatedly (to the point of tedium, frankly, like he’d […]

Not a Belieber

Nocturnal Sex Fiend writes: Monday Is it me but when I hear the name Justin Bieber my blood pressure rises & I feel aggressive. Do u think it’s normal to hate someone u don’t know that much. Osama bin laden […]