Bye, Mutie!

More Hollywood Babble-on: Dexy’s Midnight Runner’s Kevin Rowland is remaking his top 80s hit ‘Come On Eileen’ as a Bukkake video for the Japanese retro crowd. No word yet on whether the original Eileen will reprise her role but let’s […]

Sex Robots

The sooner sex robots are available for all the better.     Until then I’ll just have to make do with wanking.

Smelly Pub Whore

It had been 5 years or more since I last had intercourse. I’m a desperate man. I’d become tired of watching online porn & made the decision I need some real pussy before I lose the use of my bits […]

Dark Ideas

One such hammered out when hammered with my friend Simon was ‘Don’t Do Animal Prolapse’. He had been watching a lot of anal prolapse porn at the time (which I personally find disgusting). How to make it MORE disgusting, therefore? […]

Pedofinder General

(Pictured: Matthew Hopkins aka the Witchfinder General. Frankly, a bit of a cunt) Will update this when/if I get a reply. Random Facebook message from someone I don’t even know about someone I haven’t even met. My reply:    

Deep Anal Secrets

With so much adult entertainment out there these days, it’s often hard to know where to begin, although where to end is as obvious as it is hollow, empty and crushingly soul-destroying. My pick of the month is long-running and […]

What If

Nocturnal Sex Fiend writes: What if you picked up a beautiful girl, the girl of your dreams & after a few pints of mild down The Scab you get to fuck her? All’s going well as per the Lord’s design manual  and suddenly whilst your pounding […]

Christmas Gin 2

Part One of this story is here. Haad Rin was full to bursting with the Christmas crowd: groups of twenty-somethings dressed in Santa hats, drunk and covered in typical tattoos under their Singha wifebeaters. A Gordian Knot of Israelis were […]

Sexy Shrilling Lady

I know the highlight of my recent group trip to Dawei, Myanmar was supposed to be a pagoda containing an actual lock of the Buddha’s hair (which wasn’t on display in any case) but for me it was the Sexy […]

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Grumble Mags

I have no idea why they’re called “grumble mags”. I for one am generally delighted when I find one in the woods, rolled up and stuffed into a hollow tree. Unless it’s Fiesta or Razzle of course. Then I really […]

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Common Hardcore

Is there any parent out there who, when asked by their 9th Grade child for help with Math homework, doesn’t feel a load of chunky sick rising up when reading the Satanic horror that is being foisted on society in […]

Up the Arts

You can barely even switch on the computer these days without the headlines screaming at you: Amateur Anal Sluts DP Anal Teen Threesome And, of course, Deep Anal Surprise. While each new arse revelation may be profoundly shocking to many, […]

Panda Porn

Pitch for Dragon’s Den: porno for pandas. They’re not very randy are they, being more into chewing and chewing bamboo than getting it on with any hot pandas that happen to be about. So get them into panda porn and […]