Speccy Twat

Some facking bloke came up ta me the other day and he said, “ello Alan.” I said, “You wot?” He said, “ello Alan.” Just like that. I said, “Don’t you facking ‘ello Alan’ me,” I said. I said, “Don’t you […]

Touch My Bum

How We Used to Xmas Shockingly, this was Christmas 2003. Since then, I have long-since left the UK, HMV have gone bankrupt and the Cheeky Girls are now residing in the ‘where are they now?’ file. Simon Cowell, on the […]

Michael Moore

Fair use warning: while I have zero evidence to suggest Michael Moore actually IS a pedo, he DOES look like one. Further disclaimer: it’s satire, right. The last thing I want for my blog is it for it to be […]

Bear Grylls

If I was that Bear Grylls I wouldn’t be stumbling round jungles and eating rats. I’d be shopping at Waitrose and diversifying my investment portfolio.

Question to the Guys, Here

You don’t need to answer. I’ll just take your silence as compliance and register a big fat “yes” against your IP address. (PS: I am in my safe space now, so whateves)

Glen Coinlid’s Last Emission

Clearly, this wasn’t my last contact with Suede’s Neil Codling’s Glen Coinlid. We had been friends at secondary school and on into university until he fired everybody connected to his previous life at the point he entered the music industry. […]

Madonna (again)

Nocturnal Sex Fiend writes: I met this old chap in the Duck last night. He’s been drinking there for a few months, just never said hello. Anyway after about 8 pints I said hello and got chatting: the usual drunk, […]