Happy New Year

My upcoming holiday in Thailand, where I finally escape Myeik, coincides with Thai New Year- Songkran. This might sound joyous but is actually millions of people pouring water over each other for days on end and numberless hordes of farang […]

King of Swing

Swing Club in Bangkok is as underground as a night club can be without actually being under the ground. It never advertises or promotes itself and has no desire or need to. You can find it listed as a night […]

Diseased Pervert

With less than twelve hours to go until my next visa run to Thailand- cunningly wrapped around some public holiday in Myanmar or other (and I had to scream “Fucking bastards!” in the Head of School’s office when they originally […]

Christmas Gin 5

With Gin a distant memory now (this was ten minutes into the ferry journey), the holiday settled into a far more relaxed yet dramatically-uninteresting groove. I hear this is known as the ‘falling motion’. Orange finally got his play on New […]

Christmas Gin 4

(In which I nearly conclude this sorry tale- Part One is here) I was poking around at my fried eggs and wondering why the fuck Thai people never cook them properly and have they ever heard of salmonella and why […]

Christmas Gin 3

Despite it being the undoubted highlight of our trip to Koh Phangan, I remember very little of the Jungle Party on Christmas Day, what with one thing and another. I’m going to move straight on with the narrative before the […]

Christmas Gin 2

Part One of this story is here. Haad Rin was full to bursting with the Christmas crowd: groups of twenty-somethings dressed in Santa hats, drunk and covered in typical tattoos under their Singha wifebeaters. A Gordian Knot of Israelis were […]

Christmas Gin 1

Christmas 2014, and to those who may accuse me of being repetitive with my choice of Thailand yet again as a holiday destination, I say this: you try living in the Middle East and see what vacations you fancy after […]

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Mr Double on Holiday

The redoubtable Mr Double awakens with a gurgle, blank emptiness becoming conscious awareness in a heartbeat. Lying in bed, he feels for his glasses, coughs and lets out a stale ale fart. He pads to the bathroom to piss and […]

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Pix Nix Time

Exile goes through a number of phases, much like grief. Immediate Culture Shock or What the Fuck? (this can go on indefinitely) Honeymoon – (skip this period if you find yourself in South Korea) Acceptance – (routine established, you realise […]

Après Moi le Déluge

The Rambuttri Village Inn, Bangkok. October 2011. And in yet another absurd turn of events, my agony endures. This time it’s a high stakes waiting game as to whether I can get my flight before the floodwaters from a dozen […]

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Miss Harms Mishaps

I am Number Six  If I had thought returning to the UK from just a few months of dossing round Thailand would be straightforward, I was very much mistaken. Once the UK spits you out like a lump of gristle […]

Big John

September, 2014. I fly into Surat Thani from Bangkok on one of those cheap ass airlines, whose Health & Safety booklet’s exhortations to do mild exercises in the sky to avoid deep vein thrombosis are nothing more than a legal […]

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Horse Medicine

  Thailand, October 2001. I had flown into Chiang Mai from Chaweng. Three weeks of being encamped at Paradise Bungalows, Hat Rin, home of the legendary Full Moon parties, had destroyed my fragile ego. That and the thick, rich mushroom […]