UK Election: If only Mo Mowlam had been born ‘Mo Fowlam’, her tabloid name would have been ‘Mo Fo’. She probably wouldn’t even be dead in that reality- she’d be Prime Minister. Her campaign slogan could have been “Mo Fo, […]
I was waiting to cross the road when this 30 stone fat bastard on a mobility scooter thoughtlessly glanced my testicles with the invalids handlebars. I knew immediately I had been struck, however there was a ten second delay before […]
People reckon Ed Balls because he’s named after two parts of the human anatomy. Big deal. Tony Heart had three and Tony Hancock went right up to four.
I’ve been on a broad range of antibiotics via drips for days & something’s happening. The itching has become unbearable. I’m told that my crease & anus is healing & itching is a good thing but I just want to […]
It’s been a good few weeks of misery. Due to the unfortunate area of the burns, my whole arse, scrotum & now inevitably penis have succumbed to infection. I’m back in double traction at the QE Hospital. The pain is […]
1998, The Midlands, England. I cracked open a can of Stella and swigged from it, staring out the train window at the rapidly darkening landscape that rushed past. As I swallowed the tangy liquid I tried to empty my mind […]
I not so recently made an epic non-stop (except for a 45 minute wait at Birmingham) National Express Coaches tour*, exploring a substantial portion of the motorway network and even down to Victoria Station in London. The purpose of this […]
Nocturnal Sex Fiend writes: Just thrown up. Beer & wine just don’t mix. I had 10-15 pints of lager as it was only £1.80 a pint & had 1 glass of warm house red due to being inebriated. Within minutes […]