Trumpton Riot

Undeniable photographic proof of Bill Clinton’s current whereabouts- he’s in Vietnam disguising himself as Donald Trump, in a wig that can only be described as ‘unconventional’.

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No Beer For Jon

Originally scripted by Samuel Beckett in 1971 for BBC2’s programme about the arts, ‘The Arts Programme’, ‘No Beer for Jon’ is an existentialist absurdist drama which turns the whole idea of white patriarchical imperialist misogyny on its head then tears […]

Poo World Order

(Writer’s note: I had intended this to be a stylistic and eye-opening segue into Saigon after a year of going fictionally mental in the actual jungles of Burma last year. Instead I’ve just written about pooing again. Sorry. Readers I […]

Viet Namaste

I was going to write something really good here- full of subtle allusion, improbable swings in register and meaning switchbacking along every sentence to the point where even I don’t know how the paragraphs went like that or what they […]

Advice

“Try posting when you’re sober occasionally. If you’re trying for a shock value, it wears a bit thin when you’re all over the fucking place, and just being needlessly insulting and childish. You think nobody knows about Monsanto et al. […]

Happy New Year

My upcoming holiday in Thailand, where I finally escape Myeik, coincides with Thai New Year- Songkran. This might sound joyous but is actually millions of people pouring water over each other for days on end and numberless hordes of farang […]

Yummy Nums

And so I bid farewell to Vietnam and am about to live and work on the Andaman Coast of Myanmar in a region that only started allowing visitors three years ago. Concerns are: Will the food be edible? Will there […]

Hello Kitty

Hu’ong Vy Restaurant, Saigon. “Hey here’s another one. The Doctor Who theme. It’s classic, man,” says Hello Kitty Teacher spitting another youtube video from his tinny Bluetooth speakers. “I teach the street children. They’re all my special friends,” he says, […]

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Wasp Daddy

This little critter is a parasitic wasp who prefers to lay its eggs in cockroaches. They go about their scuttling unaware of the pupae devouring them from inside until it is too late. They are also quite happy to lay […]

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Back to Square Wonky

A brief pause in writing, then: I have recently escaped from the dark insanity that is today’s Bangkok (laffs a-plenty coming soon! ) and into the relative peace of Ho Chi Minh City (that’s in Vietnam). Despite the endless scooter […]

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Pix Nix Time

Exile goes through a number of phases, much like grief. Immediate Culture Shock or What the Fuck? (this can go on indefinitely) Honeymoon – (skip this period if you find yourself in South Korea) Acceptance – (routine established, you realise […]

Block Rockin’ Bleats

Evening rains on Pham Ngu Lao, Ho Chi Minh’s backpacker car crash district. An inverted Baskin Robbins sign winks up from the puddles and is collapsed by steady wave function as heavy drops pelt down. Despite earlier talk of getting […]

Sitting on the Block of Decay

Puddled water after the afternoon rains and the relief of cooler, fresher weather for a while. My second Tiger Crystal glides down and soon I am calling for more, surveying surroundings, sat in the street, the sizzle of something sausagey […]