Christmas Gin 3

Despite it being the undoubted highlight of our trip to Koh Phangan, I remember very little of the Jungle Party on Christmas Day, what with one thing and another. I’m going to move straight on with the narrative before the casual reader mistakes this for a travel blog.

It’s not. It’s far worse than that.

Boxing Day saw us all still spannered and planning to leave Haad Rin that evening.

“I know a really chill place in the north of the island,” Gin said. “It’d be a good base for me to scout out locations.”

“Yeah, why not,” I said. “Could do with getting out of this place.”

“Sounds good,” said Orange. “See the island a bit.”

Gin went into the bathroom where he found the rest of the Valium Orange had stashed. “You fucker, keeping these from me,” he said, raging in a fluffy way.

“Oy, Gin, they’re MY fucking valleys!” said Orange.

“Not anymore they’re not,” laughed Gin, wolfing them down.

In combination with the Mandy, the Valium made Gin even wilder. He was in his element, showing us various Muay Thai moves and nearly putting a window through. When he paused in this to go “Hoosh! Hoosh! Hoosh!”, he asked me if I had any Valium.

Of course I did, but I was reluctant to go get them.

“Go on, you cunt,” Gin said. “I sorted out all that Mandy.”

“Okay then, if I can have a dab in exchange,” I said.

“Course you fuckin’ can mate, I’ve got loads.”

It was fair enough. I went to my room next door and fished around in my suitcase for them. I still had plenty, so it seemed a decent exchange- one or two of them for a dab seemed about right. I pulled a strip out of the washbag and returned with it.

Perhaps it was due to my naive and fluffy state of mind but I was unprepared for Gin scoffing the lot as soon as I returned with them.

“Right, let’s go grab something to eat. Dunno about you but I’m starving,” he said.

* * *

Within minutes of arriving at the restaurant, and while deciding on what he wanted from the menu, Gin suddenly slumped forward. He was out cold.

“Fucking muppet!” said Orange. “I knew he’d get like this!”

The waitress came over to take the order. She was not impressed.

“Why your friend sleeping?” she snapped.

“Gin! Gin! Sort yourself out!” said Orange, shaking him.

He was limp as a rag doll.

“What a fucking idiot!” I said as Orange started slapping him about the face. When that didn’t work, he poured a glass of iced water over his head. Nothing.

“He’s totally out,” said Orange, propping him up against the wall.

“Look, I don’t mean to be funny or anything,” I said, “But I’ve only got a two week holiday before heading back to Oman. I don’t want to be nursing Gin the whole time.”

Orange ate quickly- I wasn’t hungry and so just drank a San Miguel Light and tried not to make eye contact with the waitress who was glaring at our table in a dark manner.

Gin came round slightly as the bill was being paid and we hoisted him together back to the hotel.

When he finally did regain his composure it was with a groan of “What the fuck did you cunts do to me?”

“Look, we didn’t do anything mate,” said Orange. “You necked 10 of Rick’s valleys is what happened.”

“Did I? Fuck what a prick I am.”

“How long will it take you to get ready? I thought we were getting out of Haad Rin.”

“Five minutes,” said Gin. “From when I can stand up.”

Twenty minutes later Orange and I were in the back of a songtaew, Gin following us on his motorbike.

The road is fairly up and down, hugging the coastline above steep cliffs and sheer drops.

“You think Gin is all right driving?” I said.

“Fuck knows,” said Orange. “He hasn’t fallen off yet, though.”

“He still looks mashed. Look at his eye.”

On the other side of the sheer drop, the land opened out again to some shops and a row of what were unmistakeably hostess bars.

“Oy, oy!” said Orange. “Brazzers to the left! Fancy a quick one? Beer I mean, ha ha!”

This seemed a good idea despite the suitcases and so on, so we rang the bell for the songtaew to stop, signalling to Gin to pull over.

An uneventful couple of beers later, aside from Gin getting slapped by one of the girls after saying something in Thai, we continued our journey.

(The story continues here)

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