Live Sex on Stage

Part of being an annoying teenager is being in an annoying teenage guerrilla gig band. And so it was that I was a member of Stratford teen sensations Live Sex On Stage- a name we felt guaranteed us an audience of throbbingly hormonal fellow teens. Other names considered were Free Beer (rejected due to cost), The Red-Hot Chinchilla Killers (great name, but no songs) and Up Yours, Shakey! (a dig at William of course, not Stevens).

LSOS played three gigs and were officially disbanded after the toilets at St. Gregory’s Hall (who refused to ever allow a live concert again) were irredeemably clogged up with teenage sick, Glen Coinlid had his nose broken on stage by Matt (Whathisname, who was into metal and wore a lot of waistcoats) at the KES gig and the entire audience, at our insistence, disappeared to the garden of the Windmill Pub, never to be seen again.

Singer-songwriter Ben Dalby, then guitarist in Lemonade Trip- has kindly provided a picture of the actual ticket for the St. Gregory’s Hall event, which we called “Freak Out Ethel” in honour of an obscure 60s happening that Pink Floyd headlined:

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I myself was also briefly in Lemonade Trip (as singer) until Ben fired me after I decided to get all Jim Morrison / Syd Barratt at a gig by sitting down on stage with my back to the audience and reading the lyrics out of a book rather than singing. In my defence, I’d forgotten the words to ‘Clouds’, had lost my voice due to opening with ‘Anarchy in the UK’ and Nick Megson kept shouting, repeatedly, “You’re shit!” and “Get off the stage!” – thanks, Nick!

Ben has kindly agreed to share via the magic of soundcloud the opening number of this set right here:

*  *  *

Not much of LSOS remains: our recorded output consisted of two lost live performances (both of which are ‘Groove is in the Heart‘ in which we were joined by about 30 people on the makeshift stage of KES, which broke under the weight) and a C-15 cassette, The Live Sex Dogma (L.S.D.- gettit?), which was bootlegged by about a bazillion people, all of whom shat their pants at its sheer bloody brilliance.

All the original tracks were wholly improvised in one take into the condenser mic of a yellow, plastic Philips Moving Sound tape player which looked like this:

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We never did a second take. Ever. Which means that a few of the tracks were a bit crap but several were really quite good. There were a lot of extremely talented people at KES, most of whom ended up working in financial services and living in West London. So it goes.

And despite Glen Coinlid later changing his name to Neil Codling and joining Suede or something, he never played guitar again as well as he did here. Fact.

What remains of the Live Sex Dogma and its follow-up Cheese Sarnie (a spin off project between Glen Coinlid and myself) is presented here for your jaded delight.

Where remembered, performers have been credited but they were heady days back in the KES 6th Form Art Room- you never knew who would ‘drop by’ the studio. Ben Dalby, perhaps. Or even art teacher Ian Dugdale, having a crafty Silk Cut.

Enjoy!

Ron Gridcharts x

PIGGLY WIGGLY WOO

Ron Gridcharts: Vocal

Glen Coinlid: Guitar

Nick Megson: Making a drum sound by hitting a chair with a paintbrush

Ed Whelton (please correct me if I have his name wrong- it was years ago and my mind is properly ravaged these days): Hitting milk bottles filled with different levels of water with paintbrushes

BRUCE FORSYTH

Bruce Forsyth: “Oo oo.. there we are”

Glen Coinlid: Guitar, Vocals

Ron Gridcharts: Vocals

Randy Cows: Vocals

MY CRYSTAL TEARS

Ron Gridcharts: Vocals

Glen Coinlid: Guitar and giggling

DANCE OF THE MONGOLS

Ed Whelton: Paintbrushes

Glen Coinlid: Guitar

Ron Gridcharts: Vocals

JUST SAY NO TO THE NEW AGE HOBO

Ron Gridcharts: Vocals

Glen Coinlid: Guitar

(This is actually the only song where the lyrics were written before we started recording- which is why I fluff a couple of lines and we both join in with the chorus- we weren’t just being psychic).

BR=BUM’S RUSH

Glen Coinlid: Guitar, Vocals

Ron Gridcharts: Vocals

MY ADOLESCENCE

Ron Gridcharts: Guitar

Glen Conlid: Vocals

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