To gain a more international audience, I was going to start posting in Spanish as well as English.
But then I remembered I don’t know any Spanish.
I don’t know any Spanish people either.
Or even Hispanics.
“Hey gang- yes it’s me, TV’s Noel Edmonds. I’m pretty huge in the UK, actually, and am seriously considering buying up either the BBC or another helicopter.
“To pay for this, I’ve been busy writing a book about cosmic ordering and numbers or something in time for the Christmas market. But let’s face it, it’s a pile of ghostwritten shit that will be in The Works discount bookstore on January 4th for 29p.
“You’d be far better off buying Ron Gridchart’s sensational book ‘Make Yourself Uncomfortable’ which is as brave and bonkers as that one-eyed guy in The Goonies.
I first met Ron when he was a luckless Deal Or No Deal contestant way back when.
He didn’t even leave with 50p and God knows he needed it as he didn’t even have BFH (‘Bus Fare Home’) at the time.
I actually drove past his defeated, shambling form after filming and, knowing he lived on the way, could well have stopped and offered him a lift.
This would, however, have undermined the entire DOND premise, so I thought “Fuck him!” and sped past.
I did subsequently agree to contribute the odd thought funnel for Ron and you can find all my brilliant posts here.
On the subject of Ron’s book- it’s available for £7.99 / $10.06 (plus P&P) at this link.”
“Gridcharts’ stories will make you uncomfortable, and the ensuing laughter is like cheap therapy. His prose works like an oddly calibrated jack in the box, and his wit is well sprung. The authorities should be well advised to keep an eye on this book and its author.” – Alphonse Beaulieu
“What was it like growing up in England as a member of Gen X in the 90’s? A child of divorce? sensitive? artistic? crazy? stoned? disenfranchised disengaged? Discouraged? and ultimately disappointed with everything promised to us by our baby boomer parents? I don’t know, I didn’t grow up in England… But I do know what it was like to question everything. The author takes a tour through his (hers?) coming of age in a time that had no identity other than a letter at the end of the alphabet. It was a pretty cool letter, you have to admit, and this book is much the same. Pretty cool and worth a read of amusing, uncensored anecdotes of England from a struggling artist trying to find their place in the futile world, finding it lacking and not at all surprised.” – David Tz