Nocturnal Sex Fiend

(RON:) Regular readers may be wondering where Nocturnal Sex Fiend has gone and why we haven’t heard from him in a while. Well, for one he fucks up my formatting and for two he hasn’t gone anywhere except even more warped which is why you haven’t heard from him. It was unprintable.

A partially-redacted transcript has been released for now. The rest is still to be assessed as to its level of risk.



I got in a couple of hours ago. I feel fucked up.
All I remember is taking what was called a “Horse tranquilliser” with brandy last night about 10.
Up till 7 this morning its totally blank.
I come round in a dynamos crack house on a filthy sofa surrounded by users.
I’m in bed.
I’m down £150.
Fuck knows what happened. Grim.
I’m up.
I live. I feel good. The Buprenorphine(Subutex) is a great hangover pick me up. Together with 2 bottles of Hook Norton real ale.
I bet you, you outlive me.
I’m happy with that.
If I went last night. I’m cool with it.
Fuck it.
As long as it’s by my hand I couldn’t careless.
Death by horse tranquilliser ain’t bad. Didn’t feel a thing.
This cunt said to me in the pub that I ain’t changed in 25 years.
The cunt that said this sarcastically was married with 3 children, looked worn out, 60 & was in huge debt to various banks & debtors. He’s younger than me. 40.
I said no thank fuck I ain’t changed. I’d look like you you poor cunt. Like an old tyre. In fact I’ve retarded. I’m now a fucking wised up.
I may be 45 but inside I’m a fucking cunting child & I like it.
I don’t care about shit.
I’m a narcissist & it’s the way to live.
Fuck them all
Their all fucking thick cunts
Take their money & fuck their daughters
I’m pissed up & high & I like it




Ive decided I’ll use my plot at the cemetery & have a monolith like 2001.
No bullshit.
I’m not going in the ground I wanna fry but I’ll have the big black marble thing totally blank. Bigger the better.
I paid for the cunting space like a twat because that’s what your meant to do 25 years ago. So fuck it. £900 for a hole.
I’ll leave my money to the junkies for as many kilos they can get. A massive class A send off.


The CUNT axis covers exactly how much of a cunt the subject cunt is.
Low level cunting would be welshing on a round or maybe farting in a lift.
Higher levels or right cunt behaviours would be fucking a best friends wife via the skull or pissing & creaming in your mother’s tea.
It takes many years & multiple daily cunt acts to achieve “high cunt status”.

Notice the subject became a cunt in 08 & progressively develops, matures into what’s formally known as a right cunt in 2017.

The cuntiness will be off the cunting scale by 2019.
Ron: For my own experience with Subutex, which involved a lot of vomiting in Bristol then leads into a story about nearly getting shot in Thailand, click here

“Hey gang- yes it’s me, TV’s Noel Edmonds off the telly. I’ve been busy writing a book about cosmic ordering and numbers or something in time for the Christmas market. But let’s face it, it’s a pile of ghostwritten shit that will be in The Works discount bookstore on January 4th for 29p.

“You’d be far better off buying Ron Gridchart’s sensational book ‘Make Yourself Uncomfortable’ which is as brave and bonkers as that one-eyed guy in The Goonies.

“It’s available for £7.99 / $10.06 (plus P&P) at this link.”

Related Post

Share on Facebook1Share on StumbleUpon161Tweet about this on TwitterShare on Tumblr0Pin on Pinterest0Share on Reddit0Share on Google+0Digg this

Be the first to comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.