Own Entertainment

I’ve been making my own entertainment lately with just shadow finger puppets on the wall. I managed to do most of ‘The Hobbit’ by fudging the dwarf numbers.

For Bilbo I used my pinkie.

Smaug was just my hand moving nearer the light and me going, “Hhhroooouuuugggghhhhh!” but a bit posh like that Cummerbund Bandersnatch.

Then I got a bit stuck at the big battle scene so just imagined it in my head.

I’m a bit stuffed with Lord of the Rings, however, as I sold my Smurf village to pay for drugs in 1997 and that was about as far as I had planned it out. Pappa Smurf as Gandalf. All the other smurfs as whatever. There’s only one female character in the book anyway, so that, of course, would have gone to Ms. Smurf.

I could have probably done a good balrog by lighting my farts, too, but that is- let’s face it- rather a dangerous and irresponsible act. Plus, I’d have to be all-black to really be in character and, as I’m not interested in rugby, that might just be construed as a racist thing.

I’m not a racist thing, I hasten to add. Or, indeed a racist person.

Fuck knows what Plato would make of it all.

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