Yuge Scalping Potential. YUGE.

Stand, sit, kneel. Who gives a fuck? The NFL spell is now broken. You may think me a prize cunt but I am dispelling illusions rapidly and therefore serving my function. Kali for Running Mate 2020. Yuge scalping potential ahead. […]

A Hem

Actually it’s two or three different “hem”s around Bui Vien Street in Ho Chi Minh City.

Uncomfortabler Chapter One and a Half

Make Yourself Uncomfortabler: Chapter One and a Half   Please note: in the interests of pretending this is a work of fiction, I’ve decided to change people’s names around, including my own. This means I can bravely hide behind the […]

Larry Dharma

When I inhale deeply, I usually get a whiff- however faint- of some ripe punani out there. That, to me, is fucking great and it’s what’s kept me going all these years. -His Holiness Larry Dharma


Why is it when you take a flight on a plane it’s easy and you don’t have to do much except sit back and relax yet when you take a flight of stairs it’s really strenuous and you might need […]

Best Brand Name Ever..

..and here’s MY two bits!* – – –   – – – – –   *it has been pointed out to me that there are three ‘bits’ of beef in the picture on the can so the name makes NO […]

In Solidarity

In solidarity with all those who are suffering in the world right now, I just chopped up an onion and really sniffed in the fumes. Tears literally streamed down my face as I thought about my own role in this […]

God vs Atheists

Some people think that God exists while others cling to the view that there is no Supreme Being and we are all alone in a universe whose only meaning lies in meaninglessness and whose only point, in the final analysis, […]

Now in 3-D

Thanks to whoever just pointed their finger right at me at close quarters. You have reminded me that just having eyes gives a convincing illusion of 3-D and therefore I don’t need to buy any expensive VR equipment. Cheers!

Hey, You, Whitehouse

I’m currently listening (once) again to Pink Floyd’s ‘Pigs- Three Different Ones’. I gather it has gained a new audience and new-found meaning in this last twelve crazy months with many (including Roger Waters himself) equating the first verse with […]

Arse Wipe Review

This is, of course, Nocturnal Sex Fiend’s review of Domestos Toilet Wipes which he unfortunately reached for rather than the Andrex wet wipes he was foolishly storing next to them. The harrowing details are here. (For those outside the UK, […]

Make Yourself Uncomfortabler

Starting the saga of that bizarre love triangle thing I found myself in last year. You missed the preamble. Click on the ‘uncomfortabler’ category. I’m sure you know how the internet works so won’t say any more. —- All I […]

Trumpton Riot

Undeniable photographic proof of Bill Clinton’s current whereabouts- he’s in Vietnam disguising himself as Donald Trump, in a wig that can only be described as ‘unconventional’.

Fox News

I’m experimenting with my mental wellbeing by getting all my news from Fox. I watch Fox reports & watch their documentaries. I also get breaking news from the website direct to my phone. It’s only been a week yet I […]

Own Entertainment

  I’ve been making my own entertainment lately with just shadow finger puppets on the wall. I managed to do most of ‘The Hobbit’ by fudging the dwarf numbers.   For Bilbo I used my pinkie.   Smaug was just […]


Nocturnal Sex Fiend writes: I saw Jeremy Paxman in town by the theatre half hour ago. I shouted “university challenge is shit” at him really loud from close up. He looked absolutely terrified. He’ll never forget that the cunt. He’s […]

Sigh. Mon.

My friend Simon, who I have referenced many times here, is no longer my friend Simon. We agreed, before he disappeared in a bizarre froth of pissed-up and vinegar, that I won’t cause any problems for him and he won’t […]