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Emissaries

When I was nine, growing up in The Butchers Arms, Mickleton, a religious sect from California moved into the large property over the road. This was a rather grand building, whose privet hedges kept my sister’s stick insects in food. […]

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Caught by the Fuzz

The first time I got arrested was in Birmingham in 1996. I had gone out clubbing with a mate of mine, both of us big techno heads and pretty much addicted, at the time, to Atomic Jam and House of […]

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Eye Beef Er

London, June 2003. While my then-housemates, Orange and Lucie, were in the last stages of preparing for a month in Ibiza, in celebration of Lucie’s 21st birthday, I had problems of my own. Specifically, I had no cash for the […]

Apple Exclusive

On a recent fact-finding trip to Binh Hoa, an Export Processing Zone to the east of Vietnam’s Ho Chi Minh City, I managed to pick up two very interesting things. The first was some kind of tropical ear fungus whose […]

The Long and Whining Road

It may be a little hard to believe, but I actually started out my career (as in ‘careering out of control’) as a children’s entertainer.  It was all down to that bloody drama degree, of course. Once I had got […]

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LuLu’s Festival of Britain

So, I recently visited Lulu Hypermarket in Muscat, Oman (because I live there- it wasn’t some tragic tourist trap trip). I needed to buy a really vile shirt for a murder mystery dinner character costume and, as you will see, […]

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Junior Fight Club

BOB MOONEY’S JUNIOR FIGHT CLUB  FOR PUGILISTIC BOYS – – – First Rule of Bottling Up: Don’t cut your fingers on the broken glass in the sludge at the skip bottom. Second Rule of Bottling Up: Always rotate the stock. […]

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Bad Karma for Cardew Robinson

I’m currently doing some research into my maternal grandfather, Frank Cardoe. Frank was a popular comedian in the Birmingham area from the 1920s until his retirement in the mid 60s, performing pretty much nightly.

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Fuh King Kong

  Growing up in the sticks in the 1970s meant for much of the time we had to make our own entertainment. A favourite game played in the family was Hide and Seek, in which I would invariably hide under […]