Boo, Don’t Do the Stand Up Poo

Flush from convincing men everywhere that sit down wees mean less nagging or are somehow posher, the real agenda of the New World Odour becomes clearer with each passing day.

The stand up poo is to be rolled out worldwide and down the leg into the shower drain outlet, solid bits poked down as best as can be, while those with baths will be forced to shit out the window with mandatory fines for obscene conduct and fouling the pavement.

Bog roll will be banned by bungling Brussels bureaucrats to save the trees. Ok for Johnnie Foreigner with their bidets and bum guns but a disaster for wiping the great British way and for Andrex puppies which will be destroyed or sent for smoking trials.

With Article something possibly taking years to trigger, the UK is being advised to stock up on ex-lax in case May forces a hard exit. Even a soft exit will lead to shower splatter or a pavement disaster worse even than France.

Those with gardens- don’t think that will protect you. You may tell yourself that at least it’s good for the roses and you personally have a secluded nook and so have nothing to hide. Don’t be fooled by the cruel stool rules.

We must stand together and then sit down to poo. Together. There will be a mass stand up or sit down wee (please put seat DOWN after. THANK YOU!!!) but sit down pooing only in Hyde Park next Saturday. Bring large-sized doggie bag and optional reading matter.

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