Uncle Orange

If you have followed this blog in the slightest then you will know that not only is my good friend Orange a sobering hand-on-the-tiller influence on myself, personally, but is right now in a mid-forties stylee and ready to crack out the Wisdom of the Ancients to anyone who wants it.

Comment with your quibbles and Uncle Orange will inspire.

I hear you doubting the Oracle of Orange.

But was it not Orange who was there when I mistakenly moved into a crack house in Bath? Who I nearly got shot to death with in Thailand? And was it not Orange also who witnessed the Miracle of the Curly Fries?

Yes. Yes, it was.

Type ORANGE in the search box. It will only get worse as I fill in the gaps.

First advice from the Orange Oracle is as thus, and it’s something we should all REALLY be aware of in these colourful and confusing days:

“If you paint your nails before you have a wank, it looks like a girl is doing it.”

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  1. The Oracle has descended with these words:

    “Do I look at myself whist wanking.. No, unless Iam necking my house mates vanity mirror then I suppose yes.. She doesn’t like cleaning it and always has a go at me!
    I use her nail varnish too. I mean Iam not buying nail varnish. Might as well buy your want!
    Moving on, well.
    Mostly it’s just touching, but as mentioned I pretend it’s not me.
    It’s a skill.
    The thing is, about living with a girl is the constant need to play toilet roll origami due to every roll being boiled down to three sheets of two ply everytime i need to go.
    They get through a lot..
    I’ve a good mind to cut all of her tampons in half to see how she likes it!
    Anyway. I hope I shed some light on the matter in hand.
    Thank-you for your question.
    Now fek off”

  2. To be honest there’s a few typos in the above which make me doubt the sagacity of the Sage.

    Whatever, it’s all material.

    And just maybe that’s the point.

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